Different And Alone

Hold on to your loneliness. Please hold on to that feeling. I know you feel different and alone. I know you see that everything around you is false and you can’t connect to anyone right now. I know you feel detached from it all. I’m not telling you to hold on with hope that the day will come when you will meet someone who understands you. That person may not happen to you at all. And I’m not the one who will break your heart by giving you false hopes. However, I can assure you one thing – there’s a place. A place you can look forward to. A place where you can feel safe and warm. A place that cuddles your solitude. A place where you belong.

You want to know what’s so good about this place? You’re the one making it. Whenever you look around and see people with their families, I want you to consider that “That may not be for me.” This is not to deprive you of the joy of having a family. I just want you to stop thinking about it. Every time you look at those people, I want you to stop thinking “That’s the standard of happiness. That’s what we all should do or have.” I want you to keep dreaming about the future but dream about it as a whole. I want you to stress about the future of the universe as a whole. I want you to not waste that beautiful mind of yours conforming to what your corrupted mind tells you. I want you to realize that this is not you talking to you but the collective opinion of everyone else that came before you.

Before you go to sleep, I want you to look forward to the next day. In the morning, you will have scrambled eggs for breakfast, maybe some bacon, coffee, or anything you like. You will shower and bathe with the scent of the soap you chose. You will listen to a podcast or a song you really like on your way to the office. You will take breaks with tea, biscuits, or anything you prefer. And if you don’t like your job, you will find a new one. You will go home, eat a great dinner, and read. You will spend time working on your personal projects or other interests. You will lie in bed, maybe bring out some scented candles, stare at the ceiling, and think. You will fall asleep and do it over.

What is it that we find so bad about repetition? Our own dislike of it is what’s making us miserable. We crave for something big and new all the time that we fail to notice the small details that change in every second. Have you ever stared at your tea and admire its color? Have you ever looked at other people’s writing and yours, and smiled? Have you ever loved your blanket so much as if it was another person? The way I see, you’re already happy and society keeps telling you that you’re not. No, you don’t want a celebrity status, someone else wants that. No, you don’t want a child and that’s totally fine. No, you don’t want a big house with twenty rooms, you just want your bed and your blanket.

There’s nothing wrong with you and I want you to know that. You are already happy as you are and who’s to say that your goal should be “to be happy” in the first place? That may just be the idea of many but you could be different. And in that difference, most often, you will be alone. That’s okay, too. I don’t want you to wait for the time that the world would recognize, appreciate, and accept you. I want you to think for yourself and re-assess your own thoughts if they are your own.

Now that I’ve told you that things I want you to do, I want you to ignore them and listen to your own mind’s advice.

Different And Alone

Singularity

The following words would not make sense and it shouldn’t because it’s a dream. But if you turn off your “normal” thinking mode, maybe it would. I want you to abandon your definition of “singularity” before you read my story because my own definition of it has been overridden by a dream. My brain, so thirsty for facts and evidence, unleashed its poetic side and provided me with concepts from my subconscious. I woke up with a new perspective and hope.

I had a dream of singularity hitting us. Yes, hitting us. I had a dream that I was waiting for it. It looked like a horizontal aurora. I was with a few people and quickly hid behind a post when I saw the colors approach. In my head, it’s supposed to crush the infrastructures including me and everyone else around me. In my head, the Earth would be destroyed. I closed my eyes as it inevitably hit everyone and everything. Surprised that I’m still alive after it left, I opened my eyes. Everyone else opened their eyes and wondered as if they just woke up from a dream. Something has changed, I felt it. Everyone was intelligent. Everyone was wise. It’s as if singularity or how my dream interpreted it to be was really a storm of wisdom and knowledge. It’s as if it wiped out all our biases, stupidity, and corruption. It cleansed the world and left us a better civilization – much more fit for the future.

After waking up, I thought about it for a while. I remember telling someone that if there was a button that could destroy the world and I’m standing right in front of it, I would never hesitate to push it. I would never think twice. I would never look back and daydream about the memories I had with people I loved. I would never think about the people in it. It’s not because I’m evil or I don’t care. It’s because it doesn’t matter. I remember that someone telling me that I’m cruel. Maybe I am but I’m not doing it because I hate people or I hate this planet or I have no hope left for humanity. It’s simply because it doesn’t matter.

If all humans were wiped off the planet, it wouldn’t matter. I imagine a vast universe – dark and almost empty. This tiny little thing wouldn’t count at all. What excites me is our possible ability to outlive this planet or this universe. I’m a software engineer crawling my way into data science, big data, and all the information and analysis that comes with it. Maybe I’m not necessarily a scientist but I see existence as an exciting puzzle that the majority wouldn’t live long enough to solve. I look forward to the day that everything we know wouldn’t be wiped out clean by extinction. I look forward to the day that if my human body dies, my thoughts can be preserved and that I can see the far off future.

This dream gave me a different interpretation of my supposedly cruel thoughts.

Singularity