I remember the simplest life I’ve ever had and I had it in a big city – a central business district. I lived in a 22sqm. studio unit. Everything was simple and white. I remember bringing furniture and other things that are white, gray, and blue. Then I would cuddle up with a smooth, soft, purple blanket on my white sofa bed. When I’m hungry, I would go down to the convenience store or a small eatery. I cook, sometimes. I love cooking.
This picture was taken on the first condo unit I lived in when I first moved out of my parent’s house. I remember buying a blueberry bagel with cream cheese. I sliced it up and prepared a glass of instant coffee. I remember the feeling then. It was simply amazing. I saw how my purple blanket matches the sliced blueberry bagel. When I ate it, everything was light. I remember what a great breakfast it was. I remember realizing how much I crave harmony, when colors are in peace with each other. When the feeling matches what I see.
It was a great life but I had to move somewhere else. When I was moving, I remember feeling sad. I thought, “Someone else is gonna live here”. I left a few things in that unit. I was carrying a lot of things on my own that I could not carry any more. They were moving things in while I gather my things and for every foreign furniture they bring in, the more the place starts looking strange to me. It made moving a lot easier for me although I’m not really the type of person to hold on to anything. I taught myself to accept change, whenever it comes, a long time ago.
I found a better deal in a place near my work place. It’s a bigger one bedroom unit with a balcony and a glorious view of the city. After a few months living here, I often think back and wonder how I lived in that previous place, what was I doing then, what were the feelings I felt, what were the thoughts I had.
What was Joann like in the past? How is she? The more I thought about it, the more I realize that I don’t see myself as one person that has moved on from the past and into the present. I was two people. That Joann still lives in that studio unit. And as crazy as it may seem, I will not deny that I’ve felt the urge to visit that place expecting to see her, the past me. Maybe she would open the door and we’ll talk. Maybe she’s made decisions that I didn’t make in my past. I wonder what her life is like now. I wonder if she’s happy or crying or content about her life.